I want to crawl into my dream world and stay there, so that the pain yesterday brought won’t carry on to tomorrow.

5.12 am

i know people say dont cry because its over, smile because it happened. but. i cant seem to convince myself that what they say is true. that saying just never had its affect on me as it has for others. and for awhile, i couldnt figure out why. then a few days ago, i sat in my room, looking at a picture of me in your arms. we were smiling, and happy. then something wet dropped on the picture. one of the billions of tears i've shed for you landed on the picture and quickly slipped off the old frame. i knew sooner or later id have to just face it. hes not mine anymore. and im not his. that saying never had any ounce of meaning to me because, if it never happened, i wouldnt have experienced such love. i wouldnt know how powerful that emotion is. how much it can affect you, in every little thing you do. actually, its not just an emotion. its a dediation. a devoition. now that its over... how do you smile when you first hand experienced it. how do you smile because it happened, when you know it wont happen anymore.. its like being happy that your dog died, just because you had the good years of your life with him. it wont make him come back. it doesnt change that hes gone. it doesnt make sense with your heart.  my friends say that hes just a guy. you'll get over it. you deserve better. hes not worth your tears. but they dont understand.he isnt just a guy, hes the guy that makes my world go round . i wont get over it any time soon. hes all i could ever want. and hes worth all the tears i cry everyday... i saved so much love in my heart for him, i gave him all i had, and we had something so special..
but i have to remember

hes not mine

but i will always be his